Aimless blogging
Sitting in a Tully's, because they have free Wi-Fi and I'm early to the Island. Decided I wanted to be where no one knew me or would interrupt me. Hopefully the guy I sat next to doesn't mind my incessant typing. Don't suppose I'll know if he does though, so I'm going to decide he doesn't.
Oh - but now he's leaving. Well, I'm not going to let it effect me. If his personal space is that large, he has bigger problems than my clicking.
I so very rarely have time to just sit and be me. Listen to music (Spring Awakening), poke around on the internet, blog without a purpose. I forget that I need time like that. This afternoon I went home after the school show, finished a book (it was only so-so), cleaned up a little, danced a little and just enjoyed being in my apartment. Then I took a basket of clothes I've had sitting around since May to a donation place and drove out to the Island in afternoon Seattle traffic with a sugar-FULL Redbull, just to be different.
When I allow myself the time, when I don't distract myself with a million other things designed to keep me from thinking too much - I find this totally different person that I forget about all the rest of the days. I feel like anything is possible, like I really could do anything. Like that's not actually a line of crap parents feed their kids so that they'll go to college and move out on their own. I believe it - and the possibilities are so endless I can't decide which to choose. That's when I tell myself that I can change the world, that anything I do can have an effect. That's when I feel like I have a modicum of artistic talent(?), drive(?). It's when I want to write blogs and organize protests and produce shows and join the peace corp and travel the world.
I feel like I've written this blog before - which tells you something about the permanence of this mood. I wish I knew how to keep it for more than an afternoon, through the distraction of rehearsals and emails. Who knows what I could do if I could only figure that out?
